


didn't mean to tell you

by behradtomaz



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Wow, brief mentions of john’s past assholery, i've had this scene in my head for ages and just, they're happy and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 11:12:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behradtomaz/pseuds/behradtomaz
Summary: "'m a little too in love with you for that, zed martin."it was an accident, albeit a happy one.





	didn't mean to tell you

john lounged on the couch in the mill house, wearing one of his old sex pistols t-shirts as he flipped through a grimoire, aerosmith playing softly on the radio. he took a swig from a bottle of whiskey and turned the page in his book, focusing enough on the spell in front of him that he didn’t even hear zed come into the room.

she sat down across from him with her sketchbook, a faint smile flickering on her face as she glanced at his shirt and said, “is this a glimpse of the old punk you anne marie knew?”

“eh, not really,” he replied. “need the leather, the eyeliner, and the bitchy attitude.”

“sorry to break it to you, but you’ve still got the attitude.”

john smiled a little at that, shaking his head. “not like i used to. ‘m still an ass, yeah, but before…people loved me and i knew it. made me cockier than i am now. used almost everybody who considered themselves my friend. not that i don’t anymore, but it was worse then.”

zed pushed a lock of hair out of her face, wondering why he was being more open then usual. it wasn’t that she didn’t like it-to the contrary, she thought it was nice, just being able to talk to him, to have him open up like anyone else might. it made her love him a little more. but it was strange, not quite really like him at all. john kept his backstory to himself, didn’t tell zed anything she didn’t need to know, and she did the same with him.

“…were you using me, john?”

she had to ask. she had to, though she was certain she already knew his answer, had to hear him say it.

“’course i was,” he said, sipping the whiskey one last time before putting it down. “you were the psychic. smart, capable. useful.”

she narrowed her eyes, pushing down the sting of his words, keeping her voice controlled and clear as she asked, “and are you still just using me?”

he closed the grimoire, meeting her eyes for once, a slight bit of hurt showing in his gaze for a moment that she would even ask that, before it was covered up with his usual confidence. “no,” he said softly. “no. ‘m a little too in love with you for that, zed martin.”

zed froze for a moment, her mind racing as she slowly processed what he had said, not quite believing what she had heard. why was he saying this now, why like this-oh. “you’re drunk, aren’t you?”

he gave her a crooked smile. “when am i not, luv?”

she sighed, fighting to keep a smile off of her face as she said, “i’ll see you in the morning, constantine.”

she stood and walked out before he could say a word, failing to make the warm feeling in her chest go away. john hadn’t exactly been in his right mind, yes, but he had given her hope, a dangerous, dangerous thing, and also something she hadn’t let herself feel in awhile when it came to love.

loving john constantine had not been planned, but zed was starting to think she might not regret it.

-

the next morning, john rolled out of bed with a headache and a strange, unexplained feeling of worry, coursing through his system and setting him on edge. the fuck was he worried about? he frowned to himself, searching his memory of the night before, his eyes widening slightly when he hit on the reason his nerves were on fire.

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck._

_zed._

god, he’d really just blurted out how he felt, hadn’t he, like some kind of lovestruck kid? jesus fucking christ. if he was a more functional man, now was when he’d be vowing to never drink again so he didn’t do stupid shit like this, but he knew that there was no way in hell he would ever keep that promise, even if he wanted to.

he could just act like he didn’t remember confessing his feelings, he supposed, or brush it off as a drunken lie to try to get laid, but he doubted either option would work. not with zed.

john wasn’t sure he was entirely bothered that she knew now, either. pining fucking sucked, so at least that’d be a bit easier to deal with now. and, hey, maybe he’d even be able to stop loving her after awhile.

he never once considered that she might love him back.

he sighed, and dragged himself out of bed and into the kitchen, heading for the fridge, forcing himself to give zed a quick smile and just keep walking when he saw her, hoping that maybe she’d give him this one, small mercy and not force him to talk about feelings at ten in the goddamn morning. he should’ve known he’d have no such luck.

“john?”

he grabbed the orange juice and closed the door of the fridge, leaning against it when he turned to face her. “yes, luv?”

“did you mean what you said last night?”

john hesitated, studying her face for a moment, looking for any trace of pity or anger, and then nodded slightly when he saw none. “…yeah. i did.”

zed gave him a slow, small smile, putting down her coffee mug and standing from her seat, starting to walk over to him. “i’m glad.”

he froze as she came to a stop in front of him, his breath hitching slightly. “oh?”

she nodded, and then leaned up and kissed him softly, cupping his face. he immediately kissed back, wrapping his free hand around her waist and trying to avoid dropping the bottle of juice as he did so. it was almost too good to believe, too heavenly to be real. john constantine had seen angels and devils and gods and monsters, and nothing, _nothing_ was anywhere as close to holy as kissing zed martin.

she pulled away a moment later, and he rested his forehead against hers, a slightly stunned grin on his face as he did so.

“y’know, luv, if i’d have know how this chat would go, i’d have confessed a helluva lot sooner.”

zed laughed, and pulled him into another kiss.


End file.
